Babies.

This post is going to scare my mother infinitely, especially because we just had a long, passionate discussion about people having children too early. I have an excuse though. Since I'm late for my horrible un-natural anti baby shot, I figure that my hormones are going crazy. Suddenly, my uterus realizes that it is once again able to develop a lining of blood to nurture a tiny egg and is screaming at me, "babies! babies! babies!"

I've already found the natural birthing center where I will have my babies (the price drops by $600 if you pay by your 32nd week of pregnancy!). I've found a yoga studio that offers pre-natal yoga classes. And I'm currently trying browsing the Doula Network to select the right one for me.

Oh, lord. This has never happened to me before. I don't get baby crazy. But I don't think I'm going baby crazy right now, I think a more accurate description is that I'm excited that I have at least five years ahead of me to do all of the research I want. Especially since I have been introduced to the world of natural child birthing in recent years. I remember the days when I absolutely under no circumstances was never having children. Which progressed to the days when I was having all of the pain medication available and a c-section. Which progressed to actually learning some of the evil ways of doctors and hospitals. And now here I am, being all hippie and stuff. It's great!

All silliness aside, I think it's something that more women need to look into. I think too many of us grow up just assuming that going to a hospital, having procedures and medications we do not need (nor really want) pushed onto us because we've just always known that "the doctor is always right", going through hours and hours of labor in an unnatural setting and position is just expected of us. Not so, says I!

This applies to not just child birth. I think we need to apply it more fiercely to all aspects of medical and health care. Admittedly, there are some things you just can't handle on your own. Sometimes we need doctors and nurses. But I'm a firm believer in self healing...I will tell the world!

That is all. And mom, aren't you so excited to come watch your grand kids pop out in a non-hospital setting with understanding, nature-oriented women and a nice big tub of water? It actually sounds kind of gross, but I'm sure I can get over that. Doesn't it just make you wish you could go back and have us all naturally?



This is an interesting article about natural child birth...of course, I don't know how reliable all of the information is (you know how Wikipedia is), but reading about the horrifying practices that were - apparently - common when hospitalized birth first became popular is downright terrifying. I'm glad I live in a day and age where I'm educated, intelligent, and independent enough to understand my body and make my own decisions for it. 

Wikipedia on Natural Childbirth

So while the idea of having kids naturally (and healthfully) is really exciting, when it comes time to think about them growing up - I get scared. Mainly about schooling. I have no doubts as to me and Dan's ability to raise independent, free thinking, intelligent children. They will not be raised with any religion, because I do not believe in organized religion. I personally believe it's one of the worst things that man kind has invented. This is not to say that I'm going to shelter my children from religion. I assume that my family will still be attending mass by the time I have kids, and they are more than welcome to also attend mass and see what they think of it. But I will not be pre-selecting a religion for my children and forcing it on them. When they are old enough, they can decide for themselves if they want to involve themselves in something like that or not. Of course I don't doubt that my own opinion won't escape sometimes - I know it will. And I think as a parent it must be very hard not to try, consciously or not, to pass on your own beliefs onto your kids. But I will make the biggest effort possible to remain open minded and neither force nor keep anything from them.

Then comes school. I used to think that I would never home school my kids, because it'd be to hard, and I'd never have any alone time. But after meeting, socializing, and knowing so many "traditionally" schooled children, and having gone to a public high school myself - briefly, this is something I never, ever want my children to be exposed to. Now, I have met some exceptions, and I am very glad for them, but from the rest of my experience...the comparison between home or unschooled folk and brick and mortar schooled folk is drastic. This is obviously very subjective, but it's just something I've noticed. The home schooled ones (although I want to point out not certain home schoolers I grew up with who were raised in exceedingly conservative, religious households, that's another issue entirely) are intelligent, independent, not afraid to speak their minds, truly unique, they have integrity. The kids I went to school with? Shallow, addicted to drama, apparently incapable of spelling even the simplest words correctly or stringing together those words to create a grammatically correct sentence. They were all drones, copies of each other, forced into a box and forced to adhere to only one type of education, learning only what they were told to learn and therefore losing all natural desire to learn. Not to mention the exposure to drugs, sex, lying, stealing, drinking. The pressure to take part in all of those. Needless to say, I did not fit in. The wonderful exceptions I mentioned were decidedly not the kids I went to school with.

Because of this experience (which has made me so glad I decided to go to real school, even for a short time, so I could see what it was really like - oh, lord, I can't imagine twelve years of that!!) that my kids will never be forced to go into a school like that. I want them to grow and develop their own ideas, morals, be truly and sincerely independent and intelligent, not just book smart, but really smart. I want them to enjoy learning and to able to learn about whatever they want, not held back by grades and teachers and homework.

A problem arises, however. Home schooling takes time. So much time, and effort, and stress, and heart ache. I can't even begin to fathom how one would be capable of home schooling one, let alone multiple children and also maintain even a part time job. To be perfectly honest, I don't see myself being able to quit work (and school?) entirely to devote all my time to educating my kids. It's not really plausible, financially, and I don't think I would be happy. I like working. I'm going to school in order to get a real career, in order to have the money so that Dan and I can own our own house, own our cars, and not be in debt. After all of the work put into the schooling to achieve this career, I can't picture myself dropping it as soon as I have kids. All I can hope is that I would be able to work as a nurse part time, which is very common, from what I understand, and home school in the mean time. Certainly home schooling is more flexible and you are not put into a certain time frame of learning, from eight in the morning until three in the afternoon. Kids can learn any time of the day.

I just worry about not being able to give my kids the wonderful experience I had growing up. Not having to wake up before sunrise, get dressed, and be packed off into a school bus full of noisy, mean kids to sit at a desk all day staring at the clock. Getting to go out to the orchard in the back yard to pick a plum off the tree, just because I feel like it. Getting to read what I want, not just what is in the school library designated for my grade. Having reading time outside in the sun with a picnic. Collecting insects to study in a bug jar, conducting experiments. Tea parties and not only the opportunity, but encouragement to pursue learning what I want to learn about. Really learning and feeling good about understanding the subject, getting good "grades" not because my teachers and parents tell me I have to, but because I want to. 

Even if I can, I worry about them turning out like everyone else. I think the worst thing that could happen, the thing that would make me feel like the hugest failure as a parent, would be to have typical, sheep like children.

These are my biggest nightmares about having kids - not the labor and the birth, but raising them to be the best they possibly can be.

And this is precisely why I need a minimum of five more years to prepare myself!